Woody Allen - Getting Even

A man who could not marry off his ugly daughter visit Rabbi Shimmel of Cracow. "My heart is heavy," he told the Rev, "because God has given me an ugly daughter."
"How ugly?" the Seer asked.
"If she were lying on a plate with a herring, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference."
The Seer of Cracow thought for a long time and finally asked, "What kind of herring?"
The man, taken aback by the query, thought quickly and said, "Er - Bismarck."
"Too bad," the Rabbi said. "If it was Maatjes, she'd have a better chance."

Here is a tale that illustrates the tragedy of transient qualities such as beauty. Does the girl actually resemble a herring? Why not? Have you seen some of the things walking around these days, particularly at resort areas? And even if she does, are not all creatures beautiful in God's eyes? Perhaps, but if a girl looks more at home in a jar of wine sauce than in an evening gown she's got big problems. Oddly enough, Rabbi Shimmel's own wife was said to resemble a squid, but this was only in the face, and she more than made up for it by her hacking cough - the point of which escapes me.

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Venku je 35 stupňů, uvnitř jen o málo míň. Vaří se mi mozek. Ale svědomí, už dávno upražené do černa, mi nedá spát a musím vám honem rychle něco napsat.
Poprvé jsem si z výletu do New Yorku nepřivezla žádnou knihu, to proto, že mám teď vážně dostatečné zásoby a nakupováním dalších se stresuju, že to nestíhám číst. Ale tahle se hodila krásně a přečetla se skoro sama. Suďte podle ukázky, jestli vám je humor blízký, a kdyžtak utíkejte do knihovny, česky vyšla jako Vyřídit si účty.